Alright. I won’t lie. I was super pumped to see Godzilla. Not only was I a little let down by the 1998 version (come on, it really wasn’t that good (no, not even after watching it as an adult)) BUT after movies like Cloverfield and Pacific Rim, you have to expect amazing-crazy-epic-crap from a movie with this much hype. I mean, you just have to! Right?!

Well, I’m here to tell you…

I was a little let down. Not terribly let down. But a little let down.

I think I counted all of 45 seconds (yes, SECONDS) in which Godzilla was actually on-screen, fighting. That’s less than how long it has taken you to read this far in the post. Most likely.

This is a 2+ hour movie we’re talking about here, folks. That’s a pretty short amount of kick-ass monster goodness for a 2-hour movie. BUT, I guess if I’m going to critique the movie I’ll have to talk about more than just the lack of the namesake character.

Back story. LOTS of back story. Basically the entire movie is figuring out what caused a nuclear meltdown 15 years ago, just to find out they really didn’t want to know. As you can imagine, our lovely heroes find out that there is a giant lizard living among us, which of course certain military folks knew about. And somehow this giant beast could be the answer to our problems. And oh, how giant he is…

So, Godzilla is huge and awesome. Is he gigantic and does he cause mass destruction everywhere he goes? Probably. But let’s be real. Godzilla is a pretty cool bro.

As far as the special effects go, I was pretty dang impressed. Like I said above, Cloverfield and Pacific Rim set the bar pretty high, but I’d say Godzilla went blow-for-blow with those two. Now, if we could just see an epic mash-up, I think all men could die happy.